


Cult of Phan

by TargaryenSlytherin



Category: Doctor Who, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Torchwood
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Crossover Pairings, Cult of Skora, Doctor Who?, F/M, M/M, Multi, Multiple Crossovers, Phanfiction, danisnotonfire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-04 11:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TargaryenSlytherin/pseuds/TargaryenSlytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil get kidnapped by the Cult of Skora who are plotting to take over Earth and exterminate and enslave the entire human population and build up an Empire to take over every Universe and to go back in time to ensure the Daleks' victory in the great Time War. But somebody else has plans to cross the Daleks in their quest and he has a certain powerful group of friends to aid him - the only missing elements: Dan and Phil</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rubrix

**Author's Note:**

> this is by no means anywhere near finished. new tags, characters and ships will be added but i don't want to spoil too much yet :x

“Phil, can you make me some more hot chocolate?”

“You’ve already had _three_ mugs, Dan!”

“Phil, I could DIE tomorrow. A BEAR could attack me and Oprah and I’d have to sacrifice her and run and then I’d die of exhaustion.”

“Oh no, poor Oprah! Why would you say that?”

“What about me? I DIED of exhaustion!”

“You fed _Oprah_ to a bear!!!”

“Well maybe if you make me some more hot chocolate I won’t.”

“Okay, okay.”

Phil left the room to Dan muttering something about somebody should hurry up and invent proper Maltesers-flavored hot chocolate and he chuckled thinking about how Dan had already brought that up several times. When he came into the kitchen he decided to get Dan a new mug as well since he had completely licked out the last in his quest to get at all the chocolately goodness. He was reaching for the Rubrix Cube mug with one hand when he heard a whirring noise behind him. His heart was hit with an immediate spasm of terror although he had no idea why and he froze, immobile, terrified.  
More whirring noises.

Slowly, carefully, Phil turned around.

“Dan?” he whispered.

Dan heard something crash to the floor in the kitchen, and a sudden **EXTERMINATE**.  
What.

Daleks weren’t real, how … ?

“Phil?” he called out tentively.

No answer.

“Phil?” he called out a little louder, edging out of the door and towards the kitchen.

“Phil, is this a prank? Are you getting me back for scaring you last week while you were making a video?”  
Silence.

“Okay, you win, okay? Phil? Please don’t do this. I’m sorry.”

He edged into the kitchen, fully expecting to see Phil standing there grinning at him with his innocent, adorable little face peering up at him. But the kitchen was empty. Dan pushed the door fully open.

“Phil? It’s not funny anymore! PHIL!” he was starting to get annoyed. What was Phil doing? A whirring noise. He’d never done this before. Usually he’d accidentally give himself away by giggling and then jumping out at Dan to tackle him into a hug, usually from behind. He turned to leave the kitchen when –

“Holy Jesus fuck, what in the actual fuck.”

The Dalek adjusted its eye stalk and looked him up and down.

**“IDENTIFY YOURSELF.”**

“WHAT, Phil? What is this? There’s a freakin’ DALEK in our kitchen!”

**“YOU ARE NOT PHIL. IDENTIFY YOURSELF.”**

“How do you even – who – what – “

**“IDENTIFY YOURSELF.”** It moved closer.

“Jesus, don’t come near – “

**“YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED AS JESUS. YOU WILL JOIN THE QUEST. PREPARE TO EXTERMINATE.”**

“Wait – “

Dan’s world contorted into black loops, his skin seemed to shrink against his body, trying to squeeze it into a pea-sized Dan package. Alarm clocks were shrilling everywhere; far away, right next to him, in his head, his hands were alarm clocks.

**EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE **EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE **EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE **EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE********

they seemed to shriek. Over and over and over again. Endless. Stop. Please.

They broke off abruptly.

Dan found himself with his face implanted on a hard surface, his head pounding, his heart racing, skin tingling. Oh God.  
He sat up, dizzy. Patted around with his hands, running them along the floor that he had lifted his face off of. It was neither cold nor warm. That made him very uncomfortable. He glanced around, trying to make out what he was seeing. He spun around when he heard a noise behind him and his body automatically tried to crawl away unsteadily, in slight pain and fear, but the thing tackled him from behind with ease.

“DAN!!!” he heard a familiar voice, felt a familiar warm face being pressed into the back of his neck for an instant.

“Phil?” he croaked.

“Yes, Dan, it’s me!” Phil reached around and grabbed his hands and they remained there for a while, Dan curled up in a ball with Phil spooning him from behind. Silent tears slipped out of Dan’s eyes and he was nearing another existential crisis. Whatever it was, this wasn’t supposed to be happening.

“Phil? What?” he had meant to speak up, but it would only escape as a whisper.

“I don’t know,” he answered gently, cuddling Dan against him with that adorable fierceness that was Phil.

“This is a dream. It has to be, Phil. Daleks – they don’t exist, for fucks sake!”

**“YOU ARE INCORRECT.”**

Dan’s heart nearly stopped and Phil huddled against him as two Daleks approached them.

**“THEY WILL NEVER BE PURE DALEK.”**

**“WE WILL TURN THEM INTO DALEKS.”**

**“ALL OF DALEK DOES NOT FIT INTO A PUNY HUMAN.”**

**“THEY WILL ADJUST.”**

One of the Daleks adjusted his eye stalk, swaggering forward towards them and shoving his eye stalk nearly straight into Dan’s face. Dan cringed back, Phil’s fingers digging into his skin fearfully as they tried to inch back. Why was he wearing the goddamn leather pants.

**“THIS ONE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. HE IS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.”**

**“HE WAS THERE. HE HAD TO BE TAKEN. DALEK SEC WILL FIND A USE FOR HIM.”**

**“HE WILL NOT GO TO WASTE.”**

“Look, please, don’t – let him go. You said he wasn’t supposed to be here anyways, let him go please, you have me already, let him go.” Phil suddenly blurted out.

“No – no, Phil, no! I’m not – “

“PLEASE.”

**“SILENCE HUMAN.”**

**“DALEK THAY, WE MUST PREPARE.”**

**“YES, PREPARE, PREPARE, PREPARE.”**


	2. Dalek Sec

Dan and Phil were pried from each other some time later. It could have been days or minutes, they couldn’t tell anymore at this point. As Phil was torn from his arms Dan was screaming his name, begging, pleading to please don’t hurt him please give him back to me. Phil was terrified; cold waves of shock scanned his body, jolting him, making him shake. A Dalek forced Dan to get up and walk away from him, stumbling and blinded by tears. They started to walk through a tunnel, with the Dalek behind him to force him to walk on.

**“YOU WILL NOT SEE HIM AGAIN.”**

Dan couldn’t speak, a painful throbbing shutting down his throat, like the first time he had watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, only worse. So much worse. Impossibly worse.

“What’s – going to happen … Phil?”

**“THE PRISONER WILL BE SILENT. DALEK SEC WILL DEAL WITH YOU.”**

He couldn’t help but cry; silent tears turning into a painful sobbing. It all felt too real.

“Let him go, please. Let him – let Phil go – “

**“SILENCE.”**

He fell silent, fearful, trying to silence the violent sobs that were possessing his body. They reached a door that opened to swallow them up, closing them off from the brightly lit tunnel into a much dimmer room, where one Dalek was already present. This one had a different color than the others, a cool chrome-like silver. The leader, perhaps. At the sound of them entering he turned, slowly, coming towards them with an air of dignity that is normally not attributed to a metal machine that can move hardly any of its limbs independently of the rest of its bulk.

**“DALEK JAST, HAVE YOU BROUGHT THE PRISONER?”**

**“THE PRISONER IS PRESENT.”**

**“HAS HE IDENTIFIED?”**

**“HE IDENTIFIES AS JESUS.”**

“What – no, no! Dan … “ he trailed off, scared of saying the wrong thing. Dalek Jast turned on him.

**“YOU LIE. YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED AS JESUS.”**

“Noo … “ he croaked, unable to formulate words. He was scared shitless.

**“IT DOES NOT MATTER. HE WILL RECEIVE A NEW IDENTITY ONCE HE IS TRANSFORMED.”**

At this Dalek Jast turned back to face the other Dalek.

**“YOU PLAN TO MAKE HIM DALEK.”**

**“TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE. TOGETHER THEY WILL CONQUER AND EXTERMINATE THE HUMAN RACE. TOGETHER THEY WILL RESTORE THE DALEKS AND WE WILL TAKE ALL UNIVERSES IN TIME. DALEKS ARE SUPERIOR TO ALL BEINGS.”**

**“TOGETHER.”** Dalek Jast echoed Dalek Sec. The doors opened once more.  
Enter Dalek Thay and Dalek Caan, with Phil stumbling in-between them, caught in an unfortunate Dalek-Sandwich, in the position to be exterminated at any given moment by Dalek Caan.

**“DALEK SEC, WE HAVE BROUGHT THE - ”**

“PHIL!” Dan dashed across the room, relieved, Daleks and danger momentarily forgotten.

**“EXTERMINATE.”**

Dan ducked just in time to avoid extermination.

**“DO NOT EXTERMINATE HIM DALEK CAAN, WE MUST USE HIM.”**

As Dan was about to slam into Phil, Phil edged away warily, in the direction of the very same Dalek that had just nearly exterminated his best friend. Dan stopped short, dumbstruck. His heart crashed against his ribs in a hot, painful spasm of a whirling mass and crashed back again, making him physically stumble back. He felt dizzy, unable to comprehend why Phil would back away from him. Phil winced at his pain but lowered his head so that Dan wouldn’t be able to see his face – to see the tears that were threatening to push themselves out of his eyes. Dan must not be harmed.

**“SEPARATE THEM. WE WILL BEGIN THE TRANSFORMATION IMMEDIATELY.”**


	3. Return to Earth

Dan didn’t really feel any different when he woke up, except for the screams still ringing in his head. He couldn’t quite distinguish whom they belonged to, and he didn’t think he really wanted to know. Although the room he woke up in was brightly lit, he brought his hands close up to his face to examine them. They seemed to be unchanged; their appearance and texture the same as always.

Dan frowned. Or maybe not? Is this how hands always felt? What did his hands feel like?

 _Stop thinking,_ he told himself. _You’re going to think yourself into an existential crisis again._

He glanced around, and, seeing nobody, quickly licked his right palm. He frowned.

They didn’t taste any different. Had they already transformed him? Where was Phil?

He missed the taste of his hands after finishing off a bag of Doritos.

The automatic doors behind him whizzed open, making him jump, and spewing forth a Dalek.

**“THE PRISONEEEER WIIILL DRIIIIIIIINK!”**

The Dalek looked different and sounded half-crazed to Dan, and he didn’t dare answer or move. Its armor was open and one of its eyes twitched as it started whizzing closer. It stopped right in front of Dan even as he tried to scramble back, crab-walking backwards in sheer terror and running backwards into a wall. Slightly dazed, he felt it poke him.

_Oh my god, get your Dalek-boner away from me._

“Nooo … “ he squeaked.

 **“DRINK, PRISONEEEEEEEEER JEEEEEEEESUS!”** Poke. **“DRINK! YOU WILL OBEEEEEEEEEY!”**

There was a bowl of sort, standing roughly next to the door that Dan had not seen, but he wasn’t about to drink whatever was in it, especially not when the Dalek wanted him to.

**“YOU WIIIIIIILL OBEYYYYYYYY!”**

In the Cult’s headquarters, strange items lay strewn, and the last test tube was bubbling. The Phil had already received his dosage, and it was about to be the Prisoner’s turn. Neither of them would remember receiving any such thing, Time Lord science was too advanced for that. That was the one thing that the Time Lords had been useful for.

All this had been Dalek Caan’s idea, but it had taken a while for Dalek Sec to agree. It was a far-fetched plan, but Dalek Thay had perfected it.

The Phil and the Prisoner were returned to Earth to start their mission.


	4. Welcome to Stark Tower

“Guys,” Dan laughed as he tried to answer his fans’ questions about where he had been yesterday, “I can be lazy too, you know. I was _tired_. Of course I worked, I had to paint Phil’s nipples with moist paint.”

“I hate you Dan,” Phil commented from somewhere outside of the frame. Dan laughed again.

“Yeah no, it was the climax of the entire sh – “

“ _Stop saying those words!_ ”

“Sorry Phil, the more I say them, the more bacon I get. Oh yeah, bacon.”

“Guys, stop feeding him bacon!”

“Yeah, they’re going to have to anyways, I’ve got to go. Nooo, don’t look at me like that, okay, I’ve got a life too!”

“No you don’t!”

“Shut up! Say goodbye.”

“Aw, bye guys!”

“Yeah, bye.”

Dan logged off of YouNow and turned to Phil, about to beg for Hot Chocolate – he feels as if he hasn’t had it in ages – when the door to the kitchen burst open.

“You guys took a long time there,” Captain Jack Harkness remarked as he strode into the living room, his usual grin in place.

“Did you – what , how – “

“You’re not exactly the most attentive person, Dan-baby, or else you might’ve noticed something.”

“What in the _hell_ – “

“Captain Jack Harkness,” he leaned down, dimples in his cheeks, and shook Dan’s hand although Dan was too confused to properly shake it and then proceeded to do the same with Phil.

“You’re not, you can’t be – “ Phil started off.

Jack sighed: “Yeah, I know, I know,” he threw his hands up, “I’m not real, I’ve heard it all before. I’ll explain on the way.” And he grabbed hold of Dan’s arm and hoisted him off the couch while fiddling with something around his wrist.

“You too, Phil. C’mere.”

“Hang on – “

“Exactly,” Jack grabbed their arms and a moment later their flat was empty and Dan and Phil found themselves standing in a room they had never been to before, but seemed slightly and eerily familiar.

“Sir,” a voice said behind them, “Captain Jack Harkness has returned as planned.”


End file.
